21 Aug 2003

Bush has ATDD? #

Posted in humor

The Onion never fails to entertain me:

Bush Diagnosed With Attention-To-Deficit Disorder
WASHINGTON, DC--Pointing to massive war-time tax cuts, physicians from the Congressional Budget Office diagnosed President Bush with attention-to-deficit disorder Tuesday. "The president exhibits all the symptoms of ATDD: impulsiveness, restlessness, inability to focus on mounting U.S. debt likely to reach $400 billion by the year's end," Dr. Terrence Spellman said. "Failing to address his affliction could lead to serious long-term fiscal health problems for future generations of Americans." To treat the president's ATDD, Spellman prescribed Ritalin and an introductory course in high-school economics.

They always seem to be able to capture the core of an issue... and make it funny.

20 Aug 2003

O'Reilly's Fact(er?) #

Posted in humor

I realize this has already been widely covered, but I felt it needed to be mentioned again -- if only to cause more Google search results on the subject. Bill O'Reilly wrote an editorial for the New York Daily News defending Fox News' lawsuit against Al Franken over the title of Franken's new book, "Lies and the Lyring Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right". The book is (surprise!) critical of Fox News and Bill O'Reilly, because of their repeated attacks against liberals and the left, and its title is a parody of one of Fox News' taglines. Apparently, Fox News has the term "Fair & Balanced" trademark and, despite laws protecting parody and satire, is suing Franken for the use of the term in the title of his book. And O'Reilly is upset that his poor employer has received a lot of bad press, simply because it feels it should be exempt from the laws of this country. Check this out:

The accusation that Fox is a conservative network is pure propaganda. Poll after poll has demonstrated that Fox's audience is across the board, ideologically and demographically. The latest survey taken by Mediamark Research finds that more ultraconservative viewers watch CNN than Fox.

But facts don't matter to the Fox haters who are, themselves, primarily ultraliberal. The dominance of Fox in the cable news world has shattered the stranglehold the left had on TV news for decades, and that has caused fear and loathing in some political circles.

Using liberal-leaning newspapers and publishing houses, the critics of Fox have unleashed defamatory personal attacks on me and other Fox news analysts and have attempted to denigrate the entire network. If Fox News crashed and burned tomorrow, these people would toast marshmallows in the flames.

Now Fox News is striking back by putting the demonizers on notice that they will be held responsible when they violate trademarks or launch defamatory personal attacks on Fox personnel.

It is simply a sorry joke to see a political activist like Al Franken labeled a satirist by The New York Times. Attempting to smear and destroy the reputations of those with whom you politically disagree is not satire. If that were the case, Richard Nixon's Watergate plumbers would all be writing for "Saturday Night Live."

Let's break this down a little bit. According to O'Reilly, 1) Fox News is not conservative, 2) Fox News' detractors are liberals (or uh... "ultraliberals" -- definition please?), 3) Fox News is simply defending its honor, 4) Franken is not a satirist. The first two points don't really sit well together, do they? Fox News is not conservative, but non-conservatives (in this case they're labelled "ultraliberals") are attacking the network -- but if the network's was really as broad as O'Reilly claims, why would these non-conservatives be detractors? The next two are somewhat tied together, as well. O'Reilly claims that Franken is not a satirist, but the title of his book is, by definition, satire. By using the term "Fair and Balanced" in the title of his book, Franken is using irony to expose folly -- satire. Therefore, it seems to me, that the honorable thing for Fox News and O'Reilly to do is to step back and allow Franken his First Amendment right to satire.

By attempting to squelch Franken, Fox News has attacked the very right to free speech that its journalist depend on day in, and day out. And in defending Fox News, O'Reilly has set himself up to be one of the industries biggest whiners. I suppose it shouldn't seem out of character from somebody who has been known to cut the mic of folks, simply because he disagrees with their opinions.

And just to cover my ass... "Fair & Balanced" is a trademark of the Fox News Network. (It should, however, be noted that Fox News' trademark officially covers only the use of the term with an ampersand, but its probably better to be safe than sorry.)

Update: Whoops! Originally had Al Franken's last name misspelled as "Fraken." Which was funny, cause I got a lot of hits from Google by people who, also, misspelled his last name as "Fraken." Now that I've fixed it, I probably won't get as many "Fraken" search hits, which I find sad. Oh well. I'm sure somebody else out there has "Fraken" on there post about this story, so folks who make the same spelling mistake I do will still be able to find the information they're looking for.

Update, the Sequel: Apparently, I had O'Reilly's named misspelled as "O'Reily" in one place, too. Guess this was just my how badly can I spell a national figure's name, post. Enjoy!

18 Aug 2003

That's a Big Flash MOB #

Posted in humor

This made me giggle:

This was the email I received:
INSTRUCTION MOB #6
Location: Manhattan
Start time: Thursday, August 14th, 4:10 pm
Duration: 18 hours

(1) At some point during the day, synchronize your watch to http://www.time.gov/timezone.cgi

(2) At 4:10pm, shut off all your power. You may need to go to the fuse box to do this.

(3) If you happen to be in a subway train or elevator, you will be stuck, but you can still particiapate. Just pretend that you are someone who is stuck in an elevator or subway and be slightly annoyed.

(4) After all your power is off, walk down the countless flights of stair while holding the hand of the 70 year old woman who was feeling faint. When she says, "I am sorry to be a nuisance", say, "it's all right -- not to worry".

(5) Once out of your building, disperse.

Those New Yorkers sure know how to organize.